Barely Hanging in There

 It seems that my last post troubled some of you readerdearies (thank you for your concern ♥) and I'm sorry for that. I really didn't mean to sound so dramatic but wanted to quickly convey why I'm not blogging normally and that there's a bunch of stuff going on at the moment.

As I've gotten a few of private inquiries about what's up I thought about blogging about it in public to make matters clearer. Who knows, maybe writing it all down also makes me feel a bit better :)

Studies
University has turned serious on my 3rd Semester and every single week is a Battle of Survival for me. We basically have to turn in a Presentation or somekind of Proof of Progress, in multiple subjects weekly. I'm suffering of lack of motivation, inspiration and selfdiscipline. It feels like I'm drowning as I try to keep up and work hard but the amount of projects never gets less or any easier. On the Contrary!

It get's me down that I cannot fully give my 100% for any subject or interest as I then would fall behind somewhere else. Therefore I'm scrambling around in a daze & panic, handing in mediocre results which lead to unsatisfaction on both sides and since the next weeks chore is based on the post labour, I'm fucking up the foundations of the final outcome here!

This continuous maschine fire of slavery and studying is finally taking the hold of me and I cannot keep myself focused any longer. I've slipped out of the rhytmn and now I'm forced to do it the hard way. I'm battling for the last place in the Rat Race it seems.

Principles
Why am I doing this? Why am I studying this? Is this really what I always wanted? Am I happy with my work, do I want to do it in the future? What have I learned? Is there something better out there?

I don't have the time to question my current life, yet I notice myself doing so almost daily nowadays. It is hard to see the big picture while whiping your nose with the map and concentrating on particulars. Come on!

Ideally you're finally done with school, where you were forced to learn the same stuff as everybody else. Now you're a grown-up set free in the world and you can decide what to do with your life. This is where everything goes wrong: hell-no you can't open a small Café or work in the grocery store! You have to STUDY to get a SUPER JOB to get MONEY to get a WORTHWHILE LIFE and to BE SAFE. No other options jackass. Call it group pressure but remember to count your relatives in.

Now say you did want to study and are basically finally able to choose your interests yourself, starting from the place to live. Think again silly! It's a war out there. You have to fight to get into THE BEST UNIVERSITIES, to choose SUBJECTS WITH HIGH EMPLOYMENT RATE and QUICK GRADUATION SCHEDULE. Forget about arts and hobbies and laid-back student life. Actually you're expected to show results, graduate fast and get that well-paid job to be truely happy.

The punch line of the Joke: no-matter what you study, no-matter how successful you feel, there is no guarantee you won't end up as a taxi driver.

 Personal Problem with the Above
Wait a second! I'm a grown-up now, it's my decition to study at all and I'm paying for the fun anyway, so basically I'm supposed to be the one to decide what to do with it all. It's my life! I can study all my life if I like to, take as many semesters as I need, change faculty, take the courses that interest me and think that would benefit me personally!
When did it get to this blind desperate hunt of Credit Points and executing only the compulsory courses to get my Bachelor as soon as possible???
I'm supposed to enjoy this part of life too! Especially as a student in my early twenties!! I don't want to wake up one day from my books and realise that I've missed my life, using it to get behind an office desk! Why do I want to work hard to work hard!? Where are we heading to with such haste!?!!? Okay I'm trying to calm down with the exclamation marks. Seriously: the road is the goal.

Oh whoops, I've written a book here. Let's continue some time in the future with the List of Shit okay? Roadtrip pics via X